ABSOLUTE PANTS: words fail me

I’ll be back, he blustered,

Blundering belligerently,

His ego brimming with codswallop.

And we blew raspberries,

Slapping our knees as we

Laughed ourselves daft

At this absolute

Tosser

And his posse of pillocks.

No woman in her right mind will

Go for that

Waffling wanker (putting it politely, of course)

EVER AGAIN, we scoffed,

Shoulders back,

Chins high,

Adding substantial swagger to our power stance,

To show how certain we were that our sisters

On the other side of the pond

Would dismiss the barmy bastard

In favour of the lovely lady

We all thought was the bees’ knees.

Blimey, did we get diddled!

And now the diddling’s gone bonkers,

Everyone's gobsmacked,

Brassed off,

Drowning in constant cobblers, fed up with the faffing,

The wobblies, the shafting

And the constant kerfuffle.

Crikey America, you’ve really gone pear shaped.

Absolute pants.

Good morning!

I got a little creative with my British roots this morning. It wasn't easy, as I've never lived in England, so had to dive into the recesses of my neurones to find all these national treasures! I don't often write anything political, but the noise on the world scene is deafening, not to mention terrifying at the moment. I started listening to Kristin Hannah's The Nightingale, which is about the French resistance in WW2 and I started having nightmares, so I'm switching to something else for the time being. I recently finished her book about the Vietnam war, which was great, but two war books in a row would clearly do my head in.

My poetry book, ILLICIT CROISSANTS AT DAWN, will be released imminently! I encountered an issue with uploading my daughter's gorgeous colour illustrations on KDP Amazon. Including them in colour in the paperback would have pushed the retail price up to ridiculous levels, so I've had to settle for black and white, which is very disappointing. The hardback will offer them in colour, however the book will be more expensive than I intended. But it will be beautiful! If your kindle supports colour, there is no problem, otherwise they will appear in black and white.

To be honest, initially I'd imagined the book as more of a coffee table offering, in a larger format, but so far I'm stumped by how to do it. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

Thank you so much!

Love,

Francesca xx